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LISTEN UP, SEC LURKERS: gravely important shit inside

  • Dear SEC,

    Just stop it already. I don't wanna hear about how glad you are to have The Texas Aggies in your conference. I'm sick of seeing your guest names on my site. I Hate you. I don't need your historical citations of conference brotherhood. I don't care that we let you have a couple of our coaches. And I don't want you posting SEC SEC SEC! on my facebook wall.

    You think I'm starting this relationship off on the wrong foot?? False. I'm starting it off on the right foot. With more unimaginable hate than your feeble brain can calculate.

    This is what I know to be true, quantifiable, empirical, irrevocable FACT: NO ONE LOVES THE TEXAS AGGIES. In the history of the world, no man has ever loved the Aggies that loves another school. "No man can serve two masters." -The Bible.

    And we've worked for decades to position ourselves like that and maintain said position.

    You don't respect me or my brothers. You see me as an opportunity, not a challenge. You don't see majestic Maroon, you see greed green. You think just because you bought a month's worth of our site that you can come on in bang my wife? And now you think I'm just gonna let you into TEXAS and bang my recruits too?? Well, fuck you.

    I don't want to callabo hate for the sips with you, bc you don't hate the sips like I do. I buried the greatest Aggie I've ever known last year on a t.u. pennant, because the guy hated the sips so intensely. Blind hatred, gentlemen. A man who well into his 80s couldn't look a horn in the eye because he knew they were vile and untrustworthy. Hell, you probably own something in your house that is some shade of orange? Ha! No, no, you don't hate sips like I do.

    Some Razorback cock wrinkle had the audacity to proclaim yesterday that after the hate on the field, he likes to drink and eat with the other SEC teams and party. Well, I don't want an invite. I'm not going to Baton Rouge to have a beignet and wax nostalgic about the time they fvcked with our bank roll. I'm not gonna draw some blurred parallel between Auburn and myself, because we're both products of a land grant Agriculture and Mechanical Colleges. They're not like me. They work for me.

    I'm not going to Gainesville to take a picture with Tim Tebow. And I'm not gonna spell words like "Tibeaux", because that shit doesn't make phonetical sense to me. I'm a Texas man, goddammit. With tha sausage, and the fried eggs, and the T-bone steaks.

    We, The Texas Aggies are gonna grace whatever Conference WE decide will benefit US the most. We're 100 MILLION cockstrong, rabid, bloodthirsty fans. With loaded wallets and vacation days abundant.

    If the Aggies are playin on the moon, you bet your sweet ass, we're comin too. Even if the moon signed the #1 class in the nation and we're 100 pt. dogs. We're buyin the officially licensed bowl shirts, before the game, and Carter Beauford is gonna lead Yell Practice from the Aitken Basin.

    I hate that you conned us into Fran. I hate that you got Championships out of Coach Bryant. I hate Schula Steak Houses. I hate croakies, I hate boat shoes, and I hate North Face. I'm gonna make a mess in all your bars, talk loudly, flex my ripped Aggie guns, and feed your women from the flow of my loins.

    So you can cool it will the wolf in sheep's clothing act. You and everyone of your patronizing SEC pals.

    We're not coming to your league to drink beer with you. We're coming to your league to kick your asses and then steal your beer and then pour it out and drink Lone Star.

    Yeah. It's like this and like that, motherfuckers,

    -earlruBBer05

    ***Mods, this is an important message for our recent guests. Permission to speak candidly. Don't you dare edit it or the responses***

    earlruBBer05

  • Best SEC thread I've read in months.

    Howdy Ags

  • If you say so

    Living in fear is just another way of dying before your time

    Hatfie_


  • I must have something caught in my eye.

    JavelinaAg

  • this post behaves like a fine wine. bless you and your efforts.

    lmart05

  • This quite possibly is the best thing ever put on the internet since the day Al Gore "invented" it. bow

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by Tell U Something Good on 8/10/2011 at 9:20 PM

    Tell U Something Good

  • Nice post, but I prefer to use my loaded wallet to drink Shiner Bock on my abundant vacay days

    Your logic is boggling my mind

    johnnyag07 ●

  • This message should be chiseled into a granite facade when Kyle Field is renovated thumbsup

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    LonestarAg_10 ●

  • He ain't lyin'.

    cameron00 ●

  • calm urself. but im not gunna lie. i grew like 6 more chest hairs after reading that.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Bojangles

  • Dear whatevah the eff your name is who posted this,

    Don't misinterpret the Trojan horse disguised as an olive branch you are currently being extended. WE DON'T LOVE YOU! We want your recruiting base and women. So far, our youtube search of texags cheerleaders is definitely causing us some concern.

    A quick reference guide to SEC football:

    Tailgating does NOT start 2 hours b4 kickoff. It begins on Monday of game week. It involves meat not cooked over a gas flame. No fru fru drinks. Beer and whiskey(preferably cheap) or you get your ass whooped by passersby.

    We scream like our hair is on fire for FOUR quarters, regardless of the score. In this league, if you don't have the athletes to come back in the 4th down by 30, we call you Vanderbilt.

    We like night games. I understand that Texas usually tells you what time you will play your games but in this league you are on your own. Schedule one at 11:30 and you will have our fans hammered and on the hunt in College Station at 3 in the afternoon. If you are unfamiliar with rednecks from Mississippi, this is not a good thing.

    We taunt other leagues with our greatness. Wait, you are probably familiar with that.

    Arkansas and South Carolina are considered outsiders. They have been in this league 20 years..... Fish

    We don't bow to Texas. Let me repeat that. We don't bow to Texas.

    Hell is coming. You will have to earn your stripes here. Yo money nor yo Alumni base don't matter. There is no offseason. You better bring it 24/7 365.

    OUT

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by on 8/10/2011 at 9:07 PM

    signature image signature image signature image

    Twitter @Lucianotwenty2

    luciano 22

  • Cuthbert xxii said...

    Dear whatevah the eff your name is who posted this,

    Don't misinterpret the Trojan horse disguised as an olive branch you are currently being extended. WE DON'T LOVE YOU! We want your recruiting base and women. So far, our youtube search of texags cheerleaders is definitely causing us some concern.

    A quick reference guide to SEC football:

    Tailgating does NOT start 2 hours b4 kickoff. It begins on Monday of game week. It involves meat not cooked over a gas flame. No fru fru drinks. Beer and whiskey(preferably cheap) or you get your ass whooped by passersby.

    We scream like our hair is on fire for FOUR quarters, regardless of the score. In this league, if you don't have the athletes to come back in the 4th down by 30, we call you Vanderbilt.

    We like night games. I understand that Texas usually tells you what time you will play your games but in this league you are on your own. Schedule one at 11:30 and you will have our fans hammered and on the hunt in College Station at 3 in the afternoon. If you are unfamiliar with rednecks from Mississippi, this is not a good thing.

    We taunt other leagues with our greatness. Wait, you are probably familiar with that.

    Arkansas and South Carolina are considered outsiders. The have been in this league 20 years..... Fish

    We don't bow to Texas. Let me repeat that. We don't bow to Texas.

    Hell is coming. You will have to earn your stripes here. Yo money nor yo Alumni base don't matter. There is no offseason. You better bring it 24/7 365.

    OUT

    Dear God,

    Put us in this conference RIGHT NOW!

    BigTiminAg ●

  • Cuthbert xxii said...

    Dear whatevah the eff your name is who posted this,

    Don't misinterpret the Trojan horse disguised as an olive branch you are currently being extended. WE DON'T LOVE YOU! We want your recruiting base and women. So far, our youtube search of texags cheerleaders is definitely causing us some concern.

    A quick reference guide to SEC football:

    Tailgating does NOT start 2 hours b4 kickoff. It begins on Monday of game week. It involves meat not cooked over a gas flame. No fru fru drinks. Beer and whiskey(preferably cheap) or you get your ass whooped by passersby.

    We scream like our hair is on fire for FOUR quarters, regardless of the score. In this league, if you don't have the athletes to come back in the 4th down by 30, we call you Vanderbilt.

    We like night games. I understand that Texas usually tells you what time you will play your games but in this league you are on your own. Schedule one at 11:30 and you will have our fans hammered and on the hunt in College Station at 3 in the afternoon. If you are unfamiliar with rednecks from Mississippi, this is not a good thing.

    We taunt other leagues with our greatness. Wait, you are probably familiar with that.

    Arkansas and South Carolina are considered outsiders. The have been in this league 20 years..... Fish

    We don't bow to Texas. Let me repeat that. We don't bow to Texas.

    Hell is coming. You will have to earn your stripes here. Yo money nor yo Alumni base don't matter. There is no offseason. You better bring it 24/7 365.

    OUT

    wait.....yup...jus grew atleast 3 more chest hairs.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Bojangles

  • My wife went to LSU and grew up in Fairhope, Alabama. Her dad went to Auburn, best friend to Miss State, and she lives in a neighborhood with more Roll Tide flags than teeth. I've shut down the Florabama Lounge many times.

    This is going to be quite difficult.

    On her.

    I don't take shit from non-Texans. They are beneath me.

    cameron00 ●

  • Cuthbert xxii said...

    Dear whatevah the eff your name is who posted this,

    Don't misinterpret the Trojan horse disguised as an olive branch you are currently being extended. WE DON'T LOVE YOU! We want your recruiting base and women. So far, our youtube search of texags cheerleaders is definitely causing us some concern.

    A quick reference guide to SEC football:

    Tailgating does NOT start 2 hours b4 kickoff. It begins on Monday of game week. It involves meat not cooked over a gas flame. No fru fru drinks. Beer and whiskey(preferably cheap) or you get your ass whooped by passersby.

    We scream like our hair is on fire for FOUR quarters, regardless of the score. In this league, if you don't have the athletes to come back in the 4th down by 30, we call you Vanderbilt.

    We like night games. I understand that Texas usually tells you what time you will play your games but in this league you are on your own. Schedule one at 11:30 and you will have our fans hammered and on the hunt in College Station at 3 in the afternoon. If you are unfamiliar with rednecks from Mississippi, this is not a good thing.

    We taunt other leagues with our greatness. Wait, you are probably familiar with that.

    Arkansas and South Carolina are considered outsiders. The have been in this league 20 years..... Fish

    We don't bow to Texas. Let me repeat that. We don't bow to Texas.

    Hell is coming. You will have to earn your stripes here. Yo money nor yo Alumni base don't matter. There is no offseason. You better bring it 24/7 365.

    OUT

    Nice work Bammer. But, we don't cheer in Aggieland. We yell. Cheering is for fags.

    Tell U Something Good

  • I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!!

    SEC SEC SEC,

    JRig '93

    JARig ●

  • FUCK YEAH

    signature image

    thrownhill

  • Getting this thread tattoed.

    WithoutRecourse

  • I feel like I have grown an extra set of junk because of this thread.

    buttonhere ●

  • Lord, please make this happen.

    1968fan

  • "We scream like our hair is on fire for FOUR quarters, regardless of the score." - I think we've got that covered ~

    signature image signature image signature image

    Agheart

  • Somebody PLEASE get creative and make an audio version of that!

    Shermans Army76603 ●

  • Sec fo real

    -- If you're gonna be a bear, BE A GRIZZLY! --

    CreepingDeath

  • Earl.. what's the plan with your boo? Tiny? Will this affect any of that?

    This post was edited by cole375 on 8/11/2011 at 12:16 AM

    cole375

  • Me and my baby have 24 more days together.

    Then, like all great Ag couples, we'll be going on hiatus until Thanksgiving.

    We have a perfect Ag on Ag relationship, Cole. Maybe you should consider a similar situation with you and your Marge?

    earlruBBer05

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